Only 5 Cigarettes Today

Oh man yesterday was killer. I was so irritable last night. I mean I was a total bitch to Dan and I was so whinny. I think it was because I went to school yesterday and it was a long day. I was trying really hard to be good but it was hard. However, I did make it to only 6 cigarettes yesterday.

I am having other side effects as well. I am having very vivid dreams and I am sleeping less. My dreams last night were crazy. Luckily I did not smoke in my dream, but I was in a concentration camp!?!?!?!? Plus it was like the movie Scream. Super insane! Also it takes me much longer to go to sleep and I wake up earlier. I thought that it was because of lack of activity that I have during the day, but then I found this website that tells all the side effects and lack of sleep or poor quality of sleep is one side effect. I guess that I am having both.

I know that these will pass and I will be living a better life without cigarettes, but like most things in my life I want immediate gratification. I am still smoking though so my lungs are still filled with mucus and I still feel like I cannot breathe in the morning. Plus I still do not have my taste buds back. And I do not have a puppy!

I have done this before. Once I quit for 6 months. I remember how much better my life was. I did awesome! I feel like the easy part is quitting. The hardest part is staying smoke free. I still find it to be a good release of anxiety. It is definitively a coping skill that I have used since I was 16 years old. I am trying to replace smoking with this blogging. Obviously so far, so good. I am actually very proud of myself.

So today is Friday so it is the first day that I am only smoking 5 cigarettes. My sister, Kitty, suggested that I micromanage my smoke breaks. So far today I have smoked 2 cigarettes. I plan to smoke one at 2pm, then 5:30pm and then my last one will be at 9:30 pm. I feel like it is going to be harder on the weekends then it will be today. I guess that is why I decided to go down one on Fridays because if I can make it through Saturday and Sunday without smoking more I will be able to make it through the week.

I am especially nervous about tomorrow when Dan and I are going through my storage locker. I just have this feeling that I’m going to open it and it will smell like old smoke. Plus I have no idea what I am going to do with all the furniture that is in there. Dan wants my kitchen table but what should I do with all the rest of the stuff? I guess I could put it on one of those free websites and the deal will be that they have to pick them up. However, I feel like it is going to be emotional because it is closing a chapter in my life. My independence will be totally gone. That will make me want to smoke a lot!

I guess I just got to keep my goal in mind and remember the feel of getting my taste buds back.