Today has been an okay day. I have stuck to my 6 cigarette allowance for today (I have had 5.5 cigarettes so far). Today was the true test because it was my first day back at school with my new cigarette allowance. I, of course, did well because I was only at school for a short period of time.
See a week ago I was on 495 on my way to an appointment and I happened to run over a huge piece of metal. It proceeded to cut a huge hole in my grill, gas tank and exhaust system. Everything was fixed so I got to pick it up today. Like a good girl, I did pick it up. I assumed that all the fuel in my gas tank had rushed out onto 495 last Monday, so I would need gas. I go in my car and there was half a tank and I thought “Awesome! I can get something to eat!” However, once I got to school the gage was on E and the gas light was on. I kind of freaked out a bit. I mean that’s kind of weird to go from half a tank to none. I looked under the car and no gas was leaking so I thought “Whatevs! I need to get gas obviously.”
Then I was in class…blah blah blah…boring boring boring. I got back in my car and realized that the gas station is actually not that close to campus especially when you have no gas. So I had a cigarette then. I just kept praying that I would make it to the gas station. I threw my cigarette out the window (half smoked) so that I could pull into the gas station. I made it and was so happy. Of course I thought that this was going to take forever and cost a fortune because I have never been completely out of gas. So I pumped the gas and the pump turned off at a little over 8 gallons. I know that my tank can hold 13 gallons. So I get back in the car and turn it on. The gas gage is still at E with the light is still on. I once again assume that it is going to take some time to get back up to F so I left the gas station.
I am in the car for about 15 minutes and decide “Yeah! This is definitively something wrong gas gage.” So I call shop and tell them what is going on. They tell me that I need to bring my car back in. I am so pissed at this point. When I get extreme emotions I want to smoke. So I am absolutely dying for a cigarette so I have one. I told myself that I would only smoke half since I smoked half of the other one. Well I smoke the whole thing and I do not even care at that point. So from Annandale I drive all the way back to Chantilly (even though it’s in Loudon County so I seriously doubt it is called Chantilly). I get my car there and they tell me that I have to get another rental because it is going to take until Thursday to get what they need in and replaced on my car. FAIL!!!
At that point I had calmed down and realized this is not a big deal. Of all the things that could break on my car while I am driving to school, the fuel gage is the best. I am calmly waiting for the guy to come to give me a rental car. He does (he happened to remember me from the first time I was there and that morning). So he’s doing all his paperwork…blah blah blah…boring boring boring. I start to look at the key of my rental. There looks like there is a picture of the no smoking sign on it. Now I know you are not supposed to smoke in rental but of course I always do. I mean hey if they really did not want me to smoke they would put a no smoking sign in it, right? Well this car they did. It is right by the radio so you cannot miss it. So what is the first thing I want to do when I get into my nice, clean smelling rental? Smoke!
Luckily, so far, so good. I have not smoked in my rental nor have I over smoked today, which I have so wanted it.
Couldn't be more proud of you baby! You have the strength and I know you can do it!
ReplyDeleteLiz, I had my first high stress situation without a cigarette. It keeps me in the moment when I do not smoke, so oddly enough it makes the emotions more manageable...who would have thought? haha. Anyway, I quit the same way by cutting down. Some days are easier than others I can say. I am not saying even now I am smoke free, but like any substance it's one day at a time. I still smoke cigarettes every so often, but it's amazing how much more freedom I have. I couldn't study in the library, because I study alone and I didn't want to leave my stuff while I had a cigarette, but if I brought all my stuff someone would take the spot I was sitting at and VCU library is not big enough for all its students, so it's like good luck trying to find another spot. Now I am at the library everyday and actually study! My concentration improved and I am doing better in my classes, because I am not like "Oh cigarette!" while I am in class. Do you smoke at certain times of the day? That's what I tried to do...like a smoking schedule. Micromanagement at it's finest!
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I used to smoke. ...but it was never an issue for me to stop smoking, I was never really addicted to it. Oh, but I have my vices. My friend had an issue, she used to replace those cravings with food, which is obviously not a great idea, as she gained 30+ pounds. I guess the trick it, when you're having those cravings to identify why you're having them and try and talk yourself out of those negative feelings. I am a firm believer in cognitive behavioral therapy and I think you can talk yourself into or out of just about anything. Of course it won't be easy, but it will be worth it. Maybe, instead of food, a negative substitution you can replace the smoking with a positive thing... now whatever that would be, is up to you! Nothing like a little positive reinforcement to replace a maladaptive behavior! Again, good luck!
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