Impulse Control

Lately my impulse control has been amazing. Usually when I quit smoking I feel like I need a cigarette and I just have one. However, this is usually when I decide to quit cold turkey. I guess I don’t have the impulse control to do that but cutting back is really helpful. I always know that I have (like right now) 3 more left in the day so no matter what is happening I can still have more. I am still spacing out my cigarettes though so when the urge comes I do not usually have a cigarette. It’s like my addiction is no longer in control, I am.

Impulse control is in check with other things too. When I make a positive change in my life I usually reward myself by buying clothes, books, etc. However right now I have $34 to my name so if I overdraw on my account then the positive things aren’t really helping. But I have been very good and not brought a single thing. Not even with the money that I have been saving by not buying cigarettes! That money is just sitting in my bank account waiting to be used for bills (And I will still have to buy 4 more packs to complete my goal so I might have to use it later).

Today I really wanted to skip class. I just couldn’t image anything worse than driving to campus waiting around for my class to start, then going to class. But I made it here. It took long than usual to get here. I got up at 8:30 but I did pretty much nothing until 9:30. I was just fighting with myself whether to come on not. Of course in the end I decided to come, but halfway here I wanted to turn around. I thought “I can go home and take a nap. I can figure out whatever I missed in the book.” But of course I know that is not true. My A&P class is really hard and I need to be there to learn what the professor wants us to know.

While all this has been positive, there are some negative things happening. On my way here I thought everyone on the road was a bad driver. Of course, I was probably the bad driver, but I blamed everyone else. And I kept sneezing uncontrollably. It was horrible and I was getting so mad at myself. There was one time I thought “If I sneeze one more time, I am going home!” I didn’t of course, since I am here on campus. But I was so annoyed. Obviously I can’t control my sneezing or other drivers on the road so I need to change my attitude about them. But I just felt like I couldn’t! I was just so annoyed.

Overall, everything is going okay. I am sticking to buy daily allowance of cigarettes and I am not whinnying too much! Also I have started to look into getting a dog, so my goal is still working.